The Gross Thing About This Guy Isn't That He Pooped His Pants, It's That He Was Drinking Sambuca Before Pooping His Pants

HP – A Florida man suspected of breaking into a bar to steal alcohol and defecating on the floor has been allegedly caught with his pants down. Collier County deputies responded to a 911 call Tuesday evening about a possible burglary at Joey D’s, an East Naples restaurant. Deputies investigating the scene noted thousands of dollars in damage to computers, monitors and the cash register. There was also human feces on the bar floor, WINK TV reports. A large bottle of Sambuca was next to the poop, according to the Naples Herald.  Outside the bar, police found the man suspected of being the pooping perp. Robert Predmore, 60, was unconscious and smelled of alcohol and feces. Officers noticed his pants were soiled with feces and put two and No. 2 together, according to the police report (though not expressed in that manner).

It’s not gross that this guy pooped all over the bar and pooped his pants before passing out. I’m not going to sit here and cast judgement, lord knows I’ve had rough weekends myself. But what is gross, and much grosser than any pair of dungarees that are now soiled with shit, is the fact he was drinking sambuca before doing it. Sambuca is 100000% the grossest drink ever. What’s the worst food ever? Black licorice, of course. Now piss into a blender, add black licorice, and voila, you’ve made sambuca. Just thinking about a warm shot of sambuca makes me dry-heave. If you drink this stuff Tom Cruise should come to your house and lock you up for pre-crime. It is the worst of the worst. Break into the bar and poop on the floor all you want, but don’t expect any favors from the judge when he finds out you’re drinking sambuca. That’ll get you locked up for life.